If your interest in someone is genuine, and you want to encourage feelings of intimacy and closeness between you, here’s how experts say to do it:
1. Gradually deepen intimacy
To love someone is to feel a deep sense of intimacy and closeness with them, and so one surefire way to encourage love between yourself and another person is to gradually deepen your intimacy through shared vulnerability and time shared together.
There’s a reason the famous 36 questions to fall in love, developed by psychologists Arthur Aron, Ph.D., and Elaine Aron, Ph.D., have seen such success. As Page explains, “Interactions that involve a gradual deepening of vulnerability in sharing, combined with letting the person know you like them,” are effective ways of creating a loving relationship.
2. Use body language
Part of love is a mutual attraction or desire for each other, and one way you can encourage that attraction and desire is through body language. Things like eye contact and sensitive touch can not only cultivate feelings of closeness, Page notes, but also amp up desire.
For example: While the viral psychology love eye trick isn’t necessarily a hack to make someone fall in love with you, there is a good chance it will let them know you’re interested, which is important for creating a sense of openness and receptivity. “It creates that physical awakening of potential desire and sensuality, and also connection, but without threat,” Page explains.
3. Get out of your comfort zones together
While there’s nothing wrong with having comfortable dates at home with takeout and a movie, Page tells mbg that experiencing adventure together is a great way to deepen your connection with someone. “Doing things that are kind of on the edge,” he says, is not only exciting but will help you two bond. This also shows the other person that you’re interesting and alluring, which, according to Wegner, is an important thing to continue cultivating.
4. Remain your own person
Speaking of keeping things interesting, Wegner highlights the importance of remaining your own (interesting) person, even when you’re in love. This is particularly important in the long term or if you’re trying to get someone to fall back in love with you again.
“Oftentimes in relationships, especially in long-standing relationships, people lose the attraction to one another. It is not because they are no longer physically attractive; it is because the novelty is lost,” she explains.
“That is why it is super important for long-term partners to remain committed to their own interests, not only for their individual self-growth but to maintain a sense of unknown or curiosity with their partners.”
5. Understand their needs
We all want to feel seen and understood by our partners, so another big way to encourage someone to fall for you is by, of course, seeing and understanding them.
Whether it’s what they enjoy in the bedroom, or how their attachment style manifests in their relationships, knowing this person as much as you can will help you show up for them in a way that honors their needs. In short, “get curious about when/how your love interest feels best in the relationship and help create space for that,” Wegner says.
6. Offer small acts of kindnes.
Who doesn’t appreciate small acts of kindness once in a while? According to Page, one simple thing you can do to remind someone you love and care about them is to do little things periodically that reflect this love and care. It could be bringing them a coffee while they’re at work, topping off the gas in their car, or doing a chore they detest.
Whatever it is, Page says, “these little acts of kindness are huge” and are going to remind them why they chose to be with you.
7. Be patient
Real love takes time, so you’ll want to be patient as the two of you fall in love. To that end, Page highlights the beauty of old-fashioned courting and taking things slow. While that advice has traditionally referred solely to sex, what we’re actually talking about here is just the principle of not rushing and letting things naturally unfold.
Allowing longing between you to develop from a simmer to a boil is powerful for motivating long-term commitment, Page explains, whether it’s sex, how much time you spend together, or how quickly you become emotionally intimate. The point is: there’s really no need to rush if the love has a genuine chance of developing.
8. Don’t try to force it
Similar to being patient and not trying to rush the process, both Wegner and Page emphasize that love is a force in itself that does not (or at least, should not) require any force on your part.
“At the end of the day, there are so many unknown, visceral, and opaque aspects of falling in love with someone that cannot be faked. If you find yourself ‘trying’ to get someone to fall in love with you, ask yourself why,” Wegner says, adding, “If love is not genuine, it will not last.”
If this person seems like they are not falling in love with you, Page says, think back to that aforementioned idea of attraction of deprivation. “Our desire for somebody often increases when they’re almost available and almost interested and almost in love, but they never fully get there,” he explains—and this is not a recipe for real love.
To that end, Wegner offers a poignant question to ponder: “What do think this person will offer you, and how can you satisfy this need yourself?”
Source: MindBodyGreen
